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Changing the Nature of Conversation (2)

In a recent post I wrote about questions and how, in our conversations, they impact community. It was stated that the traditional questions that permeate conversation regarding organizational issues, have no power to change the future, to make a difference. I recognize that truth in my own experience. In my corporate days, I sat in many meetings where the traditional questions dominated. They would create a frenzy of helplessness and hopelessness. On more than one occasion, I was compelled to comment to the participants that it was apparent that there was nothing that could be done and the company would be best served by us committing an honorable suicide. We didn’t and nothing changed. Sadly the process was repeated over and over. There was no enlightened leadership that understood the nature of great questions to lead us out of our squirrel cage existence.
The referenced booklet describes the nature of powerful questions.  

It is the questions that change our life. We all look for answers and all we get in response is more questions. This is why questions confront in ways that statements and answers don’t. And why questions are essential for the restoration of community.

Elements of a Great Question

  • It is ambiguous
  • It is personal
  • It evokes anxiety and accountability

Each time a small group takes up a question, set it up by explaining why the question is important and then telling people not to be helpful. Trying to be helpful and giving advice are really ways to control others. Advice is a conversation stopper. We want to substitute curiosity for advice or a call to action. Urge participants to ask others why does that mean so much to you? If we quickly move to action, then tomorrow will be just like yesterday.

The Questions

There are five language actions which, when taken in the presence of others, create community and shift the public debate. These are:

  • To declare a possibility
  • To take ownership — I created the world I live in
  • To say no authentically
  • To make a promise with no expectation of return
  • To declare the gifts we and others bring to the room

Each of the conversations is created through its own set of questions. Whatever the venue, accountable community is created when we ask certain questions.

Here is a summary of the core question associated with each language action:

1. To what extent are you here by choice? (Invitation)

2. What declarations are you prepared to make about the possibilities for the future? (Possibilities)

3. How invested and participative do you plan to be in this meeting? (Ownership)

4. To what extent do you see yourself as part of the cause of what you are trying to fix? (Ownership)

5. What are your doubts and reservations? (Dissent)

6. What promises are you willing to make to your peers? (Commitment)

7. What gifts have you received from each other? (Gifts)