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“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

“You are going to feel like hell if you never write the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart — your stories, visions, memories, visions and songs. Your truth, your version of things, your own voice. That is really all you have to offer us. And that’s also why you were born.”
Anne Lamott

Our Fundamental Spiritual Struggle

George 0 Comments

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. 

A.I. Solzhenitsyn

The previous post provided a glimpse into my fundamental spiritual conflict as exemplified by schadenfreude — the relentless struggle with my heart. After writing on a subject, often an article or post will appear that illuminates the topic much better than my attempts. That was the case today. My favorite Orthodox blogger, Fr Stephen Freeman posted “Healing the Heart” . Here are a couple of quotes to encourage you read the entire post.

Learning to open our eyes to the source of our actions and the absolute need for the grace of the Holy Spirit in order to change our hearts is the most fundamental understanding in our daily life before God. 

...the truth of our problem is to be found in the very character of our existence: Is it being transformed into the image of Christ or is it falling deeper into corruption and death?

I continue to find Freeman’s insights into Orthodox faith and doctrine helpful in my spiritual journey. Here are some questions I am pondering after reading “Healing the Heart”:

  • To what extent does a view of my relationship with God through a lens of “legal standing” or “debts owed,” shape my understanding of the spiritual life?
  • What are implications of “Man, as a fallen creature, is better described as diseased or broken ?
  • …the truth of our problem is to be found in the very character of our existence: Is my character being transformed into the image of Christ or is it falling deeper into corruption and death?
  • Shouldn’t every Christ follower, like priests hearing confession listen intently for the state of the heart (if possible) rather than simply categorizing and subjecting to legal analysis what they hear? Always mindful, it is considered a sin to judge someone whose confession you are hearing. How that would impact Christ followers’ relationships ?
  • Are my prayers focused on other’s behavior or on the healing of their hearts?

There are a myriad of other things to think about in our faith, many of them serving as religious distractions from the essential work of repentance. It is easier to argue points of doctrine than to stand honestly before God in prayer or confession. Doctrine is important (what Orthodox priest would deny this?) but only as it makes Christ known to us. But the knowledge of Christ that saves is not the knowledge one gains as mere information – but rather the knowledge one gains inwardly as we repent, pray, forgive, and humble ourselves before God. The promise to us is that the “pure in heart shall see God.”

Still on the Journey

schadenfreude

George 0 Comments

The German word “schadenfreude” means experiencing satisfaction from someone else’s misfortune.

During a year and a half pandemic coupled with an cultural environment in which differences of opinion morphed into hardened ideologies. Incapable of hearing other voices. and clothed in our respective rightness, we justify whatever means we chose to resist and combat the evils being foisted upon us. I cannot recall any period in my life (with the exception of Alabama- Auburn loyalties) that resulted in such division, even hatred.

As Thomas Paine famously said, “These are the times that try men’s souls.”  In-deed that is the case, particularly for Christ followers. We are in living in a crucible that tests our faith to its depths.

The “trying ” of my soul has revealed a disturbing presence of “schadenfreude—”experiencing satisfaction from someone else’s misfortune.” Several have recently written about the prevalence of schadenfreude. You can read some –HERE , HERE , HERE.

My encounter with schadenfreude is not overt but subtle. It has occurred in reflection on circumstances of those experiencing misfortune as a result of decisions contrary to my opinions/beliefs. In moments of honest introspection, I realize that I experience pleasant satisfaction of others’ misfortune. The fact that I am restrained from expressing my satisfaction publicly is encouraging, but the truth is plain, there’s within me an undeniable schadenfreude impulse.

This realization is troubling. As a Christ follower, I believe “schadenfreude” is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit nor does it reflect the mind of Christ. Its presence reveals sin which thrives in the shadows of my soul. A sin which cannot be absolved by sin management i.e. restraint in speaking or acting out. Overcoming “schadenfreude” requires the transcendent power of God.

Celebration of other’s misfortune is not unusual, in fact, for most of us it comes easily and is consistent with our highly competitive and individualistic culture. Opponents’ demise is the desired outcome. Victory, even if it comes as result of our opponents bad luck, is always occasion for celebration, a fulfillment of our wishes (or prayers?) that they— “get what they deserve” et al. The opportunity to be proved right and to say, or, at a minimum, think “I told you so” is delicious. Dramatic polarization in our society has elevated “schadenfreude” to normal.

…yes, the environment in which Christians exist, never perfect, is much more hostile now than it was.
But it’s also the case that Christians are an equally dangerous adversary to ourselves. Far too many of us have little to no sense of our owt failings, and our own collaboration with the world.
Rod Dreher

When you start mocking instead of persuading, you signal that you now view someone as an enemy to be defeated, rather than a person to be persuaded…the key to all sin against another is to first dehumanize them…then label them…you have to convince yourself that the other no longer possesses the image of God and God wants them gone as well…we’re all getting too good at this…
Phoenix Preacher

The presence of Schadenfreude reveals sin that is deeper “than “missing the mark” —moral failure — a mistake. It isn’t a mistake. It is a power that can reign and rule my mind and body, forcing you me obey, having dominion over me; a false god to whom I give idolatrous allegiance. Defying sin management, schadenfreude’s antidote is found in Romans 6: “…present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” [Adapted from Richard Beck’s post ]

If these thoughts haven’t caused you to rethink any impulse to celebrate the misfortune of others, and you are convinced that justice should prevail. then consider this passage from proverbs:

Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them (Proverbs 24:17-18).

Still on the journey.

So Much to Think About

George 13 Comments

Perhaps you noticed I have not written any blog posts recently. Without any warning the evening of July 29 I experienced excruciating pain in my chest and abdomen. A 911 call and subsequent trip to the emergency room was the beginning of a perilous journey that included a real possibly of not surviving, miraculous surgical intervention, multiple days in ICU on a ventilator. After ups and downs of recovery, discharge and re-admission, six days in rehab, I returned home on August 28, to continue my recovery.

What I am thinking about at this time is gratitude. Gratitude for God’s providential care. Except for inexplicable circumstances, I would not be alive. I am grateful for the enumerable prayers that were offered and answered. Ann’s constant presence and care sustained me. Though memories are scant, I was aware of the presence and voices of family encouraging and assisting.

This experience has given me much to think about, but I struggle to write. Hopefully, as recovery continues my motivation and thinking will improve. I’m not sure what what normal will be for me as I recover, but there is much to be grateful for.

Still on the journey.